I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
