he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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