Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
