So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
