whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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