I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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