Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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