why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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