we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
