My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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