mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
