He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
