he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
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I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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