if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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