So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
