I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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