You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
