New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
