i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
