Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
