Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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