i think my tv is drunk
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
