White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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