sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
