dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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