i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
