Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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