I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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