More tranny stories later!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
