I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We smell like vodka and hangover
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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