I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
