if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
