thus making me awesome and them whores
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
