"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
