Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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