i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They have beer where we have blood.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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