Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
