New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
