So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
