I feel great
I just peed on a car
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
