Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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