I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
