I hate your face
wrigley field is MILF paradise
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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