:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
