Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
