my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
