my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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