omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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