Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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