dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
well you can't waste a boner
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
