some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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