so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
