when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So. Much. Porn.
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