apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
