I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
