the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
