Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
