i barfeds in our rink
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
