I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
