Having a random hookup so left but love u
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
