Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
