If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
