Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
