so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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