I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
