and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Boobs are out for the taking
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
