i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
