Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
