Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
